Revision Cycle 1 — Applying 10 Named Moves with Audience-Awareness Check

Children re-read their full draft (intro + 3 body + conclusion) silently. Note 3 places where revision could help.

• Provide silent reading time
• Affirm specific revision noticings

Today you apply NAMED REVISION MOVES to your draft. Ten moves on MG-22. You apply at least 6 today; the rest in lesson 17. Move 1: STRONGER WORD CHOICE (Tier-2 Set 11 substitutions — replace 'big issue' with 'urgent issue'). Move 2: ADD EXPLANATION (any body paragraph missing the E in TEEL gets explanation added). Move 3: CHECK LINK (every body paragraph ends with sentence linking back to thesis). Move 4: CHECK AUDIENCE (re-read with MG-7 in hand — does the tone match the card?). Move 5: ADD IN-TEXT CITATION (every fact, quote, statistic has attribution). Move 6: CHECK VERB TENSE consistency. Move 7: ADD CORRELATIVE-CONJUNCTION PAIR. Move 8: EXPAND/COMBINE/REDUCE one sentence per paragraph. Move 9: CHECK COMMAS (5 rules from MG-17). Move 10: CHECK CONCLUSION SYNTHESIZES. Each move is labeled with a green-pencil margin annotation: 'MOVE 1' / 'MOVE 4' etc. Watch teacher demonstrate Move 4 (CHECK AUDIENCE) on a sample draft. Audience card: 'WHO: school principal. WHAT-TONE: formal evidence-led.' Sample draft sentence: 'It's totally wild that older students don't get enough sleep!' Audience-mismatch: 'totally wild' and exclamation point don't match formal evidence-led tone. Revision: 'Research indicates that older students consistently receive less than the recommended nine hours of sleep.' Same content, audience-appropriate tone. Annotated: MOVE 4 — CHECK AUDIENCE.

• Audience-mismatch is invisible to the writer but obvious to the reader. The MG-7 card on the desk makes it visible.

  model See narrative.

  prompt Teacher demonstrates Move 4 (audience-check) on a sample draft.

• Why is the audience-check (Move 4) a craft move?
• Name 3 of the 10 named revision moves.

M-5-F-WR-16-A Chart

Reproduction of MG-22 at 18x24: 10 named moves with color-coded margin stamps. Each move has icon, name, and brief description. Print-ready, dyslexic-friendly font.

MG-22 Chart

Revision-moves anchor (G5-fall expansion of G4 revision routine): 10 named moves with margin-stamp annotations. 1. STRONGER WORD CHOICE (Tier-2 Set 11 substitution); 2. ADD EXPLANATION (the E in TEEL — never let evidence stand alone); 3. CHECK LINK (each body paragraph ends with a sentence connecting back to thesis); 4. CHECK AUDIENCE (re-read with audience-analysis card in hand — does the tone fit?); 5. ADD IN-TEXT CITATION (every fact, quote, statistic with signal phrase OR parenthetical); 6. CHECK VERB TENSE (no inappropriate shifts within a paragraph); 7. ADD CORRELATIVE-CONJUNCTION PAIR (either/or, neither/nor, both/and, not only/but also for precision); 8. EXPAND, COMBINE, OR REDUCE one sentence per paragraph for stylistic variety; 9. CHECK COMMAS (introductory element, series, direct address, yes/no, tag question); 10. CHECK CONCLUSION SYNTHESIZES (not just summary). Print-ready 11x17.

• Apply at least 6 of the 10 named moves to your full draft. Annotate each with green-pencil margin note ('MOVE 1' / 'MOVE 4' etc.).

  scaffold MG-22 anchor at desk; 10 revision-move stickers (color-coded); green revision pencil; MG-7 audience card in hand
• Pair-share: read a partner's draft and identify 2 places where ONE more move could help.

  scaffold Move-suggestion card

M-5-F-WR-16-B Illustration

Reference image of a Grade-5 child's draft with green-pencil margin annotations showing MOVE 1 / MOVE 2 / MOVE 4 / MOVE 5 / MOVE 7 / MOVE 10 visible. Print-ready 8.5x11 notebook spread.

• Show your draft with at least 6 green-pencil move annotations.
• Move status-tile to REVISE.

• Star the move that helped your draft most.
• Predict: tomorrow we add the final 4 moves and meet final Set-11 words.

• At home tonight, read your draft aloud to a family member. Ask: 'What was the most clear part? The least clear part?' Bring response tomorrow.