Pass 2 SENTENCE-LEVEL revision — syntactic variety + concision

Sentence-opener audit: highlight the first word of every sentence in your draft's first paragraph. Count the openers. How many start with 'The'? How many start with a subordinate clause? How many start with a participial phrase?

• If >50% of sentences start with the same word, flag for variation
• Tee up: variation creates rhythm, not just grammatical variety

Pass 2 = SENTENCE-LEVEL. Criteria (MG-23): all 4 sentence types appear (simple/compound/complex/compound-complex) / sentence openers vary (no more than 2 consecutive sentences begin the same way) / sentence lengths vary deliberately / at least 1 syntactic-variety move appears (periodic OR cumulative OR deliberate fragment OR anaphora OR asyndeton OR polysyndeton) / no throat-clearers / no hedge stacks / active voice dominates unless passive is deliberate / modifier placement is clear (no danglers). Use the BLUE highlighter to mark sentences that fail criteria. Then revise systematically. Read aloud throughout — Pass 2 is most reliably diagnosed by ear.

• Same content, varied openers — the rhythm transforms.

  model All three openers identical. Revise: 'The author uses metaphor strategically. Embedded within these metaphors, vivid imagery accumulates. Through compressed syntax, the metaphor reaches its peak.'

  prompt Pass 2 catch: opener variation. Sample paragraph: 'The author uses metaphor. The author uses imagery. The author uses syntax.' What's wrong?
• Concision is precision. Cut 10-20% — the writing gets stronger.

  model Throat-clearer + hedge stack. Revise: 'Angelou's diction shows...' or 'Angelou's concrete diction reveals...'

  prompt Pass 2 catch: concision. 'In this analysis, I think it might be possible to argue that perhaps Angelou is showing us...' What's wrong?

• Pair-share: identify one sentence in your draft that needs opener variation.
• Cold Call: name 3 Pass 2 criteria.

M-7-S-WR-18-A Chart

MG-23 anchor (Pass 2 band) displayed: 8 criteria with worked examples — sentence-type variety, opener variety, length variety, syntactic-variety move, no throat-clearers, no hedge stacks, active voice deliberate, modifier placement clear. Print-ready 11x17.

MG-23 Chart

Sentences I admire notebook anchor: 1-page template. INSTRUCTIONS: 'Across this term, collect 10-15 sentences you admire from your mentor texts. For each: (1) copy the sentence verbatim with citation (author, page); (2) name the moves you see (e.g., periodic / appositive / fragment / anaphora); (3) write 1-2 sentences on WHY you admire it (rhythm, precision, imagery, surprise); (4) try writing your own sentence in the same shape on a different topic.' EXAMPLE ENTRY: SENTENCE: 'Through every doubt, every silence, every long winter night, she kept writing.' (Mentor sentence). MOVES: periodic; anaphora ('every'); accumulating phrases. WHY ADMIRED: the delay builds anticipation; the final clause lands with weight; the repetition of 'every' makes it feel inevitable. MY IMITATION: 'Through every test, every late night, every doubt, he kept studying.' Bottom rule: 'Sentence-imitation is one of the oldest writing-practice routines. Imitation builds craft.' Print-ready 8.5x11 to glue into writers' notebook.

• Apply Pass 2 to your full draft. Mark with blue. Revise the top 5 sentence-level weaknesses.

  scaffold MG-23 Pass 2 anchor + blue highlighter
• Sentence-opener audit: rewrite any paragraph with >2 consecutive same-opener sentences using the syntactic-variety palette.

  scaffold Opener-variation reference card from lesson 5

M-7-S-WR-18-B Chart

Opener-variation reference card: 6 opener types (subject-first / prepositional / participial / subordinate-clause / gerund / appositive) with sample analytical sentences. Print-ready 11x17.

• Show one Pass 2 revision: original sentence + revised sentence + criterion addressed.

• Restate: Pass 2 = sentence-level craft; blue highlight; varied openers + varied lengths + at least 1 syntactic-variety move
• Preview tomorrow's Pass 3 MECHANICS revision

• Complete Pass 2 revision at home. Bring fully-revised draft tomorrow for Pass 3.