Voice/mood shift detection — Pass-2 revision routine

Read aloud: 'Smith conducted the experiment carefully, and the results were recorded.' What shifts? Why is this jarring?

• Affirm: voice shifts from active ('Smith conducted') to passive ('were recorded') — the actor disappears
• Connect: today we hunt these shifts in our own drafts

Today we work with SHIFT DETECTION — a Pass-2 revision routine. Within a paragraph or related sentences, do NOT shift voice or mood without rhetorical justification. UNJUSTIFIED voice shift: 'Smith conducted the experiment carefully, and the results were recorded.' Active 'conducted' shifts to passive 'were recorded' — the actor vanishes mid-sentence. Fix: 'Smith conducted the experiment carefully and recorded the results.' JUSTIFIED voice shift: 'Smith conducted the experiment. The data were then analyzed using statistical software.' Here the passive is intentional — for the procedure description, the actor is implicit. UNJUSTIFIED mood shift: 'Consider Adichie's argument. She makes a compelling case. Notice the way she integrates anecdote.' Imperative 'Consider' shifts to indicative 'She makes' shifts back to imperative 'Notice' — choppy. JUSTIFIED mood shift: 'What does Adichie argue? She argues that ___. Consider how she develops this claim.' Here the interrogative opens, the indicative answers, and the imperative invites — purposive sequencing. The DETECTION ROUTINE for Pass 2 revision: (1) circle every main-clause verb in each paragraph. (2) label each verb as active/passive AND as indicative/imperative/interrogative/conditional/subjunctive. (3) look for shifts. (4) at each shift, ASK: did I shift for a reason? If yes, keep. If no, revise. This is one of the most valuable revision routines you'll learn this term. Most analytical-prose problems are revealed by it.

• Two shifts in a 3-sentence paragraph — the prose feels choppy. Audit reveals it.

  model Sentence 1: active, indicative ('Adichie argues'). Sentence 2: passive, indicative ('are needed' — who needs them?). Sentence 3: active, imperative ('We should consider'). Two shifts: active-to-passive and indicative-to-imperative. Neither is justified. Revise: 'Adichie argues that single stories harm us. She contends we need multiple stories. Her examples illuminate this need.' All active, all indicative.

  prompt Audit this paragraph: 'Adichie argues that single stories harm us. Multiple stories are needed. We should consider her examples carefully.' What shifts? Justified?

• Pair-share: audit a peer's 1-paragraph draft for shifts. Name what you find.
• Cold Call: define UNJUSTIFIED shift in your own words.

M-8-F-GR-11-A Chart

MG-10 anchor: 1-page reference with rule, example of unjustified voice shift + fix, example of unjustified mood shift + fix, detection routine 4 steps. Print-ready 11x17.

MG-10 Chart

Voice/mood shift detection anchor (CCSS L.8.1.d): 1-page reference for Pass-2 revision. RULE: within a paragraph or related sentences, do NOT shift voice or mood without rhetorical justification. VOICE SHIFT EXAMPLE (inappropriate): 'Smith conducted the experiment carefully, and the results were recorded.' (Active 'Smith conducted' shifts to passive 'were recorded' — the actor disappears.) FIX: 'Smith conducted the experiment carefully and recorded the results.' (Active throughout.) VOICE SHIFT EXAMPLE (appropriate): 'Smith conducted the experiment. The data were then analyzed using statistical software.' (Active for the human action; passive for the procedure where the actor is implicit.) MOOD SHIFT EXAMPLE (inappropriate): 'Consider Adichie's argument. She makes a compelling case. Notice the way she integrates anecdote.' (Imperative 'Consider' shifts to indicative 'She makes' shifts back to imperative 'Notice' — choppy.) FIX: 'Adichie's argument is compelling. She integrates anecdote with cultural observation, making the abstraction tangible.' (Indicative throughout.) DETECTION ROUTINE: in Pass 2, circle every main-clause verb in each paragraph. Label each as active/passive and as indicative/imperative/interrogative/conditional/subjunctive. Look for unjustified shifts. ASK at each shift: 'Did I shift for a reason?' If yes, keep. If no, revise. Bottom rule: 'A shift without a reason is a reader-jarring move. Hunt them down in Pass 2.' Print-ready 11x17.

• Audit 3 mentor paragraphs from Adichie, Coates, Klein for voice and mood. Label each main-clause verb. Note any shifts and whether justified.

  scaffold MG-10 shift-detection card; MG-6 and MG-7 carryover
• Audit one paragraph of your own synthesis essay draft. Circle every main-clause verb. Label voice + mood. For any shift, ask: justified? If no, revise.

  scaffold Pass-2 audit checklist

• Submit your shift-audit of one paragraph of your synthesis draft.

• Restate: shifts without reason jar the reader; Pass 2 hunts them
• Preview lesson 12: pause-and-break punctuation

• Complete shift audit on ALL paragraphs of your synthesis essay draft. Mark revisions in margin.