Pass 2 SENTENCE-LEVEL peer revision — devices applied, voice, rhythm (10 criteria)

Self-flag on revised draft: which 2-3 Pass 2 criteria do you most need partner feedback on? Mark in margin.

• Affirm: Pass 2 is where rhetorical devices get audited
• Note: at least 3 named devices is the spring requirement

Pass 2 SENTENCE-LEVEL has 10 criteria — all about HOW the sentences work, not what they say. Look at MG-16 Pass 2: (1) parallelism applied; (2) anaphora applied; (3) one more device applied (asyndeton OR rhetorical question OR antithesis); (4) active voice default; (5) passive used only deliberately; (6) sentence rhythm varied (short-long mix); (7) tricolon present somewhere; (8) sentence openings varied (not all 'The ___'); (9) no unnecessary 'there is/are'; (10) no 'be-verb' overuse. Pass 2 questions: WHERE did you use parallelism? Show me. WHERE is your anaphora? Show me. WHAT'S your third device, and where? Are your active verbs vigorous? Did you vary sentence openings? The minimum: 3 named devices applied SOMEWHERE. The recommendation: 4-5. Stay on sentence-level — don't drift to commas (Pass 3) or to content (Pass 1).

• Pass 2 comments name the device, name its location, suggest a placement-or-strengthening move.

  model 'In your conclusion, sentence 2 — you wrote: "Uniforms unify, simplify, and dignify." This is a great asyndeton-parallel-tricolon stack. Consider DELIBERATELY positioning it as your closing line — moving it to the absolute end of the conclusion would let the rhythmic punch land.'

  prompt Sample SBAR Pass 2 comment.
• Always actionable. Don't critique without suggesting a specific move.

  model Specific Pass 2 suggestion: 'Your body 2 conclusion sentence could become a tricolon. Try: We must ___, we must ___, we must ___.' (Provide a template, not just a critique.)

  prompt What if a student has NO rhetorical devices applied?
• Pass 2 discipline: sentence-level only.

  model Partner highlights anaphora in red, parallelism in blue, suggests one more device. Doesn't mention commas.

  prompt Look at MG-21 segment 1:30-3:00 — Pass 2 model.

• Cold Call: name 3 Pass 2 criteria
• Cold Call: what's NOT a Pass 2 comment?
• Thumbs: I can stay on Pass 2 discipline (up) / I'll drift (down — partner watches)

M-6-S-WR-17-A Video Physical / non-image

MG-21 video 1:30-3:00 segment. Partner conducts Pass 2 using MG-16 Pass 2 rubric. Highlights devices in color. Caption track on.

MG-16 Chart

3-pass peer-revision protocol anchor: 3-band stacked card. PASS 1 — CONTENT (purple, 14 criteria — extends fall MG-21): claim arguable / evidence credible / warrant explained / audience considered / counterclaim addressed / structure follows MPO / introduction hooks / conclusion synthesizes. PASS 2 — SENTENCE-LEVEL (blue, 10 criteria — NEW at G6-spring): parallelism applied / anaphora applied / 1 more device applied / active voice default / passive used only deliberately / sentence rhythm varied (short-long mix) / tricolon present somewhere / sentence openings varied / no unnecessary 'there is/are' / no 'be-verb' overuse. PASS 3 — MECHANICS (green, 12 criteria — NEW at G6-spring): pronoun case correct / intensive pronouns correct / pronoun consistency / vague-pronoun antecedents clear / semicolon used correctly (at least once) / colon used correctly (at least once) / commas for nonrestrictive / commas in compound sentences / spelling clean / capitalization clean / quotation punctuation / italics for titles. Bottom rule: 'ONE PASS AT A TIME. Doing all three at once is worse than doing each well.' Print-ready 11x17.

MG-21 Video Physical / non-image

5:00 model of a Grade-6 three-pass peer-revision conference. 0:00-1:30 PASS 1 CONTENT — partner reads the draft cold, names whether the claim is arguable, whether the evidence supports it, whether the warrant explains. Quotes a line. Uses MG-16 Pass 1 checklist. 1:30-3:00 PASS 2 SENTENCE — partner re-reads looking for rhetorical devices applied. Highlights anaphora in red, parallelism in blue. Suggests one more device to add. Uses MG-16 Pass 2 checklist. 3:00-5:00 PASS 3 MECHANICS — partner re-reads with proofing eye. Catches a pronoun-case slip, a missing semicolon between two independent clauses, and a vague pronoun. Uses MG-16 Pass 3 checklist. Closing 30 seconds: writer summarizes top revision target from EACH pass. Real-feel middle-school classroom.

• Conduct Pass 2 SENTENCE-LEVEL peer review with partner. Use MG-16 Pass 2 check-off sheet. Apply SBAR. Stay ONLY on sentence-level. 15 minutes per partner.

  scaffold MG-16 Pass 2 sheet, SBAR card
• Show Call: teacher displays one student's draft for whole-class Pass 2 analysis. Class identifies devices applied + suggests one more.

  scaffold Show Call worksheet

• Submit your Pass 2 check-off sheet AND your top-2-sentence-level-revisions summary.

• Restate: Pass 2 = sentence-level; devices + voice + rhythm; minimum 3 devices applied
• Preview tomorrow's Pass 3 MECHANICS

• Revise argument based on top-2 Pass 2 revisions. Bring revised draft tomorrow for Pass 3 MECHANICS.