Three-pass revision + formal writing conferences — synthesis essay polish

Quick-share: which Pass do you feel most uncertain about — CONTENT (synthesis quality), SENTENCE (academic style + voice/mood), or MECHANICS (MLA + punctuation)? Why?

• Affirm uncertainty as productive — it points to growth areas
• Connect: today we work all three Passes

Today we apply 3-PASS REVISION to your synthesis essay drafts. The 3 passes (continued from G7-spring with G8 adaptations): PASS 1 — CONTENT (synthesis quality): Do the sources CONVERSE, or just sit side by side? Is the thesis a synthesis claim, or a topic? Do body paragraphs use They-Say/I-Say moves? Is the so-what offered? Is each source CREDIBLE (CRAAP+)? Is source-type variety achieved? Are cross-source connections made explicit? PASS 2 — SENTENCE (academic style + voice/mood): Are the 9 formal-academic-style features applied? Is voice deliberate (active for argument; passive for procedure)? Are voice/mood shifts justified? Are verbals used purposively (gerunds for subject-action; participles for adjective-modification; infinitives for purpose)? Is sentence length varied? Is concision applied (G7-fall 7-pattern audit)? PASS 3 — MECHANICS (MLA + punctuation + spelling): Is MLA in-text precise (signal phrase + parenthetical)? Is Works Cited formatted correctly (6 source types; hanging indent; alphabetized)? Is pause-and-break punctuation used purposively (comma / dash / ellipsis)? Is ellipsis-for-omission applied ethically? Is spelling clean (L.8.2.c — verified with reference materials)? FORMAL WRITING CONFERENCES continued from G7-spring — 5-minute one-on-one with teacher OR peer. 4 parts: OPENER (what are you working on?), WHAT'S WORKING (specific strength), ONE GROWTH MOVE (specific, actionable), NEXT STEP (when will I see this?). ONE growth move per conference, not five.

• Pass 1 catches synthesis-quality issues that no amount of polishing will fix.

  model FAILS Pass 1. (1) 'talks about' and 'writes about' are summary verbs, not synthesis-Tier-2 verbs. (2) The two sources don't converse — they're listed side by side. (3) 'Both are important' is empty assessment, not synthesis. REVISION: 'While Adichie articulates the harm of single stories at the individual level, Coates extends this argument structurally, contending that incomplete national narratives sustain racial inequity.' Now they converse.

  prompt Apply Pass 1 audit to this paragraph: 'Adichie talks about single stories. Coates writes about race. Both are important.' Synthesis quality?
• Pass 2 catches the shift. Active throughout for argumentative writing.

  model Voice SHIFT: 'It was found by Smith' is passive (and uses 'it' expletive); 'Klein contends' is active. Unjustified shift. Revision: 'Smith finds that emissions are rising, and Klein contends that policy responses have been inadequate.' Both active. Reader sees both actors.

  prompt Apply Pass 2 audit to this sentence: 'It was found by Smith that emissions are rising, and Klein contends that policy responses have been inadequate.' Issues?
• Pass 3 catches MLA precision.

  model MLA error. MLA 9th uses 'pg' incorrectly — should be just page number with no 'pg.' Also Adichie's name doesn't need to repeat in the parenthetical if she's named in the signal phrase. Revision: 'Adichie argues that single stories are harmful (47).' Or: 'Single stories are harmful (Adichie 47).' Either works in MLA 9th.

  prompt Apply Pass 3 audit to this in-text citation: 'Adichie argues that single stories are harmful (Adichie pg 47).' Issues?

• Pair-share: explain to your partner which Pass you'll focus on first and why.
• Cold Call: name the 4 parts of a 5-minute writing conference.

M-8-F-WR-16-A Chart

MG-25 anchor: 3-band stacked card (Pass 1 CONTENT — synthesis quality / Pass 2 SENTENCE — academic style + voice/mood / Pass 3 MECHANICS — MLA + punctuation). Each pass with 12-14 specific criteria. Print-ready 18x24.

• Apply Pass 1 (CONTENT) audit to your full synthesis essay draft. Mark issues in margin. Spend 10 minutes.

  scaffold MG-25 Pass-1 rubric criteria
• Apply Pass 2 (SENTENCE) audit. Spend 10 minutes.

  scaffold MG-25 Pass-2 rubric; MG-10 shift detection; MG-4 academic style
• Conduct a 5-minute peer writing conference using MG-26 protocol. One person presents; partner names one strength and one growth move.

  scaffold MG-26 conference protocol card; conference notebook

• Submit your 3-pass audit notes (Pass 1 + Pass 2 marked in margin).
• Submit your peer conference log (1 strength + 1 growth move + next step).

• Restate: revision is 3 separate passes; conferences are 5 minutes, ONE growth move
• Preview lesson 17: nominalization + Williams's actor-action

• Apply Pass 3 (MECHANICS) audit to your synthesis essay. Implement revisions from peer conference. Schedule teacher conference for next week.